There are two kinds of people in this world; passive nihilists and active nihilists. I believe that I am both. I am passive enough to understand that I will leave this earth the same way that I came, alone. However, I am active enough to surround myself with good company for the in between. From this philosophy, I’ve grown particular with the people I choose to have in my life. This is the reason why I escape from dire romantic situations, from the fear that it may further waste my time and hurt my feelings. It is the mundane process of getting over someone, that is unending and inexplicably painful, that motivates me to flee rather than fight. I used to think it was some type of bullshit vest that I wore so proudly that ridded me of harmful people.
I realise that this bullshit vest has its faults. It stops me from giving chances or any type of sympathy to those who have wronged me. I’ve learnt that this type of resistance turns you into a remarkably ruthless person. That doesn’t sound so bad on paper, most of you would understand why the self defence of protecting yourself is needed. However, it builds the illusion that people are monsters and that’s a destructive mindset to have. This coping mechanism has served me nothing but relapses and regrets. It is also quite a bit unfair to the other un-perfect-very-human and normal-functioning-person who happened to piss me off that day.
I’m learning to alter this ruthless persona of mine but its begs the question; how many chances do you give until you know you’re being fucked over? A philosopher, Alain De Button, reckons ‘once you know about love, it won’t matter who you love’. Wouldn’t that be nice? To love unconditionally, with no expectations and to practise it with even the most problematic of people. It doesn’t matter whether they love you back or not, or even if they treat you right, love is love. A fanciful philosophy that only individuals, who have a reached a sort of euphoria within their spiritual and mental selves, can only understand. This Alain guy might be onto something because as much as love is an emotion, it is also a skill that can be mastered over time. Relationships are our way of practising this skill and with practise comes experience.
With past romantic involvements, I’ve learnt a thing or two along the way. One of them being that the ideology, that there is one destined soul mate for everyone, is myth. People are completely living their life in their own world, which is an obvious statement to make however, worth mentioning in this context. What I mean is that individuals have created their own versions of life with their own agendas, beliefs and values. Which serves a lot of comfort after a break up when the excuse ‘were in different places right now’ is legitimately a reason. Often when people come together it was because someone was at the right place, at the right time. Two straight lines crossing over, perhaps for only a moment and then never again.
You may think that this lovely person at this perfect place and time is your soul mate however, give it three months and your bullshit vest will tell you otherwise. This is when your level of mental and emotional strength is determined. However, do not shy away from these red flags because you will most likely find that everybody is psychologically flawed and inherently crazy-it’s figuring out whether you can handle it. However, if you find that your differences don’t align and are too divided- accept, forgive AND keep in touch. Often it’s easy to just ctrl, alt delete- at least it was my go to. I’ve learnt that the beauty of keeping in touch with former lovers is that with a little bit of hope and luck, someday the two of you will be in sync. Yes, the two straight lines can meet again.